Parent Self-Care: What Have You Done For Yourself Lately?

Taking care of yourself is taking care of your child.

Parents have a tough job. Everyday routines of caring for a child with autism can be an extra challenge. Add to that the need to get eight hours of sleep, exercise, and cook well-balanced meals. The advice given to parents to “take care of yourself” is well-meaning, but is it realistic? The answer is not always. Like everything that parents modify for a child with autism, you should modify how you approach self-care, too.

Often, parents prioritize the needs of the family over themselves. The flight attendant’s speech is very clear, “Put on your oxygen mask first!” Why? If you can’t breathe, how will you help your child? Stress can also impact the ability to care for a child. Managing personal health, therefore, must be viewed as putting on an oxygen mask.

Learn to let go.

So, what does “put on your oxygen mask first” look like for parents of children with autism? The first skill to develop is to “let go”. Let go of the idea of perfection. Let go of the expectations that probably are not realistic for anyone. Let go of doing it all. Now, take a deep breath before thinking this is ridiculous. The idea that “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done” is fine, but why does everything need to be done by you? Also, does it need to be done right now? Take a step back and look at everything you are doing during the day. What things can be done by someone else?

Parents are self-reliant and not accustomed to receiving help from others. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or failure. Get comfortable asking for help and receiving it. Reach out to family and friends. If you don’t have family available, consider looking into organizations that can help. Online support groups are a great resource for finding help. Consider having groceries delivered. This is a positive that came out of the recent pandemic. Look at other tasks that could be outsourced to family or friends.

Spend time on things you enjoy.

Another skill parents may need to improve is making time to do activities they enjoy. Finding even 15 minutes to listen to music, workout, read a couple of chapters, or listen to an audiobook, can be refreshing.

Give yourself a break. You deserve it! Most people wouldn’t judge or scold a friend who didn’t get the breakfast dishes done or wore a shirt with wrinkles. Then why is that voice in your head so harsh?

Practice giving yourself the same grace you’d give to a good friend. It does take practice and commitment. Start with encouraging words when you spill your breakfast in the car. It could be, “It was worth the grease stain on my pants not to be hungry all morning!”

Pat yourself on the back.

Be proud of all you do! Congratulate yourself on another day accomplished. The day was a success, the kids are fed, mostly dressed, and in the process of falling asleep. That’s an achievement. The day with your child does not need to be perfect, but you made it through.

Change your outlook on the day. Search for something positive in everyday actions. Telling your partner how much you appreciate them making coffee. Look at the moon and stars while getting your child back to sleep. Finding the simple pleasures to retrain yourself takes some planning, but in the end, it can be what you need to take on the challenges of everyday life.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your child. Invest the energy in self-care to make sure you’re there for those who depend on you. Find what works for you and know you are worth the effort.

Written by Joe’L Farrar, M.E.d., CCC-SLP, BCBA, LBA

The Behavior Exchange is a Behavior Health Center of Excellence® and an in-network provider.

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Ashvina attended University of Bombay and graduated with a Bachelors of Commerce. She got her Montessori Diploma in 1985 and taught ever since. Ashvina came to TBE in January of 2016 as Admin Assistant. During the years she got the opportunity to learn and work in different departments such as HR, Finance, Office Manager and Executive Assistant. Last summer TBE bought billing in house and her current focus area is Revenue Cycle Management. She is detail oriented and enjoys working with people. Ashvina volunteers to deliver meals to seniors and local shelters on the weekend. She loves to spend time with her family and grandkids. Ashvina loves her job because she enjoys hearing different points of view, and she feels her contributions help fuel the direction of our company.

Working with children comes naturally to Angela. Her mom was a special education teacher for 30 years and often had Angela join her for Take Your Child to Work Day. And in high school, Angela spent every summer as the nanny for a little boy with an autism spectrum disorder. It was this experience where her passion for working with children with autism started to blossom.

From there, she went on to graduate from Oklahoma State University with a Bachelor of Science in Human Development and Family Sciences. She learned about Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) in a non-normative development class and from that moment knew that ABA would be her life’s work.

Angela moved to the DFW area shortly after and began working at The Behavior Exchange as a therapist. She worked on her Master’s in Behavior Analysis at the same time. A year after graduating, she earned certification as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst.

Now, as a Clinical Director at The Behavior Exchange, she brings a life-long passion to her work, holding a special place in her heart for children with limited language skills and working closely with families to develop healthy sleep habits.

Danielle’s passion for working with families is deeply personal and from the heart. Her younger brother has an autism spectrum disorder, and through their journey as a family, she found her purpose in life as an advocate for individuals with special needs.

After graduating from the University of North Texas with a degree in Human Development and Family Studies, Danielle began volunteering at The Behavior Exchange. She saw passionate therapists, meaningful change for clients, and families with hope for the future. After a summer of volunteering, she officially joined the team as Director of Admissions and found her home with The Behavior Exchange family.

With her extensive experience working as a client advocate with insurance providers, Danielle perseveres to help individuals of all ages and abilities receive the services they need to reach their full potential. She feels truly honored by each and every family who entrusts The Behavior Exchange to be part of their journey and is committed to the organization’s core values, mission, and goal of being a beacon of hope for the community.

Adam has always had a passion for helping individuals of all ages thrive and reach their full potential. He’s also an enthusiastic musician, songwriter, leader, and devoted family man, who has been helping children and team members grow with The Behavior Exchange since 2010.

Prior to joining the team at The Behavior Exchange, Adam was a mortgage loan consultant and grad student, pursuing his master’s degree in Education at the University of North Texas. He graduated in 2013 and also earned a graduate academic certificate in Autism Intervention. The following year, after years as a Behavior Therapist and seeing first-hand the power of ABA and the meaningful impact it can have on children and their families, Adam became a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. He then commenced from the Stagen Leadership Academy after completing the Integral Leadership Program (ILP), a 52-week practice-based program designed to develop executives serious about transforming themselves, their teams, and their organizations.

Adam is truly grateful to be a part of a dynamic, inspiring and compassionate team, and he’s dedicated to bettering the lives of all children and their families through the delivery of the highest quality of ABA services, while supporting the amazing team at The Behavior Exchange.

Soraya is from South Africa and moved to Texas in 1996. She graduated from The University of Texas and pursued a career, at that time, in Education. Soraya taught at a Montessori school for a few years and then took on a leadership role.

During her time in the education system, Soraya realized her passion was to assist children with special needs. So she joined The Behavior Exchange as a therapist, transitioned into a supervisory role in 2017, and a year and a half later, was promoted to Clinical Operations Manager.

She quickly learned the ins and outs of ABA operations and scheduling and successfully collaborates across departments to ensure The Behavior Exchange continues to provide quality services to clients and their families. She’s thankful to be part of such an amazing organization and excited to see what the future holds.

You could say Walter’s career started when he spent hours as a young child drawing superheroes and coloring maps. This passion, along with extraordinary swimming skills, landed him a full swimming scholarship at Texas Christian University, where he graduated in 1997 with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Communication Graphics.

During the next 13 years, his design and art direction skills, conceptual-thinking abilities, and marketing-savvy know-how were honed at a few prestigious advertising and marketing agencies around the Dallas area. In the mid 2000s, he helped his wife Tammy Cline-Soza (founder and CEO of The Behavior Exchange) create a unique and concise brand for her new business. From logos and websites to uniforms, brand voice and visuals, Walter has been the main creative force for all things The Behavior Exchange.

Aside from giving birth to The Behavior Exchange brand, Walter is helping Tammy raise two amazing, beautiful children, River and Sierra. In his spare time (the two minutes he’s got per week), you can find Walter illustrating iconic landmarks of Dallas and Texas or looking around for this next open-water swim. Once he gets back in shape.

After 20 years of building The Behavior Exchange, literally from the ground up,
Tammy couldn’t be more proud of the team, culture, and organization that it has become.

As a family helping families, The Behavior Exchanges looks for opportunities that will make the biggest impact and produce life-changing outcomes – for clients, families, and even for team members. Tammy believes that if a team, a family, a community takes care of each other, the possibilities are endless and the relationships built along the way can make life more enriching and challenges easier to navigate. You could say her goal has been to build a kind of utopia full of support, love, and expertise that brings the best services possible to the community and ensures more families have access to those services.

Tammy and her family have dedicated their lives to the mission of The Behavior Exchange and continue to grow, learn, cultivate, challenge, support, and create better models for success. To that end, she is committed to her own leadership development and actively participates in advanced training, mentoring, and deep self-exploration on how to live out her purpose to love and support her family and help others reach their full potential. She takes her position very seriously and tries to serve as a channel for what the universe wants to come to fruition.

She also loves travel, gardening, being creative, MUSIC!, tennis, yoga, meditation, journaling, reading, being in nature, adventures, and more than anything, spending time with her husband Walter and their two beautiful children, River and Sierra.